My Dog, The Jerk

Hi, I'm Corey, and this is my roommate, Joel. Say hi, Joel. Hi. I have a dog, Pickle, a 3 year old Shiba Inu. For the past 3 years, I've been struggling with Pickle's various (and numerous) quirks - basically, he's an undersocialized, panophobic spaz with ADD, OCD and ED (he's neutered, after all). The ladies love him because he's perhaps the least threatening dog ever. Guys love him, well, because the ladies love him. Until recently, this paragraph would have thoroughly summarized all that is Pickle.

Then, Joel and I found out there is much more to Pickle than we ever could have imagined. See, we can't be around at all times to keep an eye on him. We always assumed he just lounged around the apartment all day, napping and licking his nether-regions. We couldn't have been more wrong.

The truth: My dog, Pickle, is an insufferable, conniving, degenerate, spiteful, gambling-drinking-sex-drug-thrill-addicted jerk.

This blog is a catalog of the photographic evidence of Pickle's path of destruction. If you have a dog who is similarly wreaking havoc on the world like a canine Charlie Sheen freebasing cocaine, please send us your photos, and know that you're not alone.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Re: Goddesses, Winning?


I'm a little offended.  Kim Kardashian is one thing, but you should know not to believe everything those paparazzi bastards print about me.  Here's how it really went down:

I just got done working my Kobe shift and needed to blow off some steam.  I went to a party at the house of an unnamed star of the hit television show CSI: Miami.  I was sitting on that couch minding my own business, chewing on a delicious piece of dried bull penis (What? I'm a dog.).  Somehow Sheen and those bimbos caught wind of the raging party and crashed it.  They sat down long enough for that a-hole to snap a picture before I bolted.  I mean, the smell of those people alone is enough to gag a mule.  I chased the guy around the party for a little while trying to grab the camera but all I managed to do was take a chunk out of his ankle.  Honestly, I was about 4 hits of acid in so half the time I thought I was chasing a turquoise spider monkey around.

These are my goddesses and I always win.  Don't you forget it.

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