My Dog, The Jerk

Hi, I'm Corey, and this is my roommate, Joel. Say hi, Joel. Hi. I have a dog, Pickle, a 3 year old Shiba Inu. For the past 3 years, I've been struggling with Pickle's various (and numerous) quirks - basically, he's an undersocialized, panophobic spaz with ADD, OCD and ED (he's neutered, after all). The ladies love him because he's perhaps the least threatening dog ever. Guys love him, well, because the ladies love him. Until recently, this paragraph would have thoroughly summarized all that is Pickle.

Then, Joel and I found out there is much more to Pickle than we ever could have imagined. See, we can't be around at all times to keep an eye on him. We always assumed he just lounged around the apartment all day, napping and licking his nether-regions. We couldn't have been more wrong.

The truth: My dog, Pickle, is an insufferable, conniving, degenerate, spiteful, gambling-drinking-sex-drug-thrill-addicted jerk.

This blog is a catalog of the photographic evidence of Pickle's path of destruction. If you have a dog who is similarly wreaking havoc on the world like a canine Charlie Sheen freebasing cocaine, please send us your photos, and know that you're not alone.

Friday, April 22, 2011


It seems a certain TV personality has taken notice of Pickle and his exploits.  In a recent episode of "The Colbert Report" on Comedy Central, Stephen Colbert ran his "Threatdown" segment, where he alerts the public to the greatest threats to mankind, national security, the tilt of the Earth, etc.  The #1 Threat is almost always Colbert's nemesis, "bears."  This time?

I was sure Mr. Colbert was simply being facetious, but there was a noticeable and unsettling look of actual fear on his face.  He no longer looked like a comedian; he looked like Walter Cronkite reporting the Kennedy assassination.  In fact, immediately after wrapping the Threat Down segment, he canceled his usual guest interview and walked out of the studio.  "I had to go home and see my family," Colbert told viewers the following day, "Pearl Harbor, 9/11, introducing Pickle to the world - these are moments when you have to reassure yourself that there is light in a world of evil."

The next day, Stephen Colbert ran what he called "a very special episode" of The Colbert Report.  Lacking the usual manic energy and dry wit he is so well known for, Colbert spent the first ten minutes pacing the stage, speaking in monotone, philosophizing on our place in the universe.  Finally, after half the crowd had already left the studio, Colbert turned to one of his trademark props - the "On Notice" board.

There's Pickle, just above "Grizzly Bears" and just below "Black Hole at Center of Galaxy."  The remaining audience managed to eek out some muffled laughter, thinking that maybe Colbert was "going all Glenn Beck on us," especially when Colbert started openly weeping.  Mr. Colbert then fled the stage, leaving the audience in a state of shock until a producer came out to inform them where they could get their tickets refunded.  Production on The Colbert Report, according to Comedy Central, is now on "indefinite hiatus."

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