My Dog, The Jerk

Hi, I'm Corey, and this is my roommate, Joel. Say hi, Joel. Hi. I have a dog, Pickle, a 3 year old Shiba Inu. For the past 3 years, I've been struggling with Pickle's various (and numerous) quirks - basically, he's an undersocialized, panophobic spaz with ADD, OCD and ED (he's neutered, after all). The ladies love him because he's perhaps the least threatening dog ever. Guys love him, well, because the ladies love him. Until recently, this paragraph would have thoroughly summarized all that is Pickle.

Then, Joel and I found out there is much more to Pickle than we ever could have imagined. See, we can't be around at all times to keep an eye on him. We always assumed he just lounged around the apartment all day, napping and licking his nether-regions. We couldn't have been more wrong.

The truth: My dog, Pickle, is an insufferable, conniving, degenerate, spiteful, gambling-drinking-sex-drug-thrill-addicted jerk.

This blog is a catalog of the photographic evidence of Pickle's path of destruction. If you have a dog who is similarly wreaking havoc on the world like a canine Charlie Sheen freebasing cocaine, please send us your photos, and know that you're not alone.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

The Godfather, Part IV

FROM:  Me <>
TO:  Pickle <>
CC:  Corey <>

SUBJECT:  Herman Cain

I've attached a link to an article I just found on CNN.  Do you know anything about this?




Sep 29, 7:28 PM EDT
Herman Cain Missing, Search Begins
Associated Press

STOCKBRIDGE, GA - GOP Presidential Candidate Herman Cain has been declared missing, according to the Henry County Sheriff's Department.  Henry County Sherrif Keith McBrayer, in a news conference that wrapped just minutes ago, revealed that Mr. Cain has not been seen or heard from for over 72 hours.  Mr. Cain's last public appearance was a Sept. 26 campaign speech in Columbia, S.C., after which the former Godfather's Pizza CEO canceled his usual post-speech meet-and-greets.  

"Mr. Cain usually spends close to an hour after a speech meeting with his supporters," Cain campaign manager Mark Block said to reporters.  "On Monday, he simply walked straight from the stage to the campaign bus.  It was a particularly good speech, I saw nothing abnormal going on.  The situation seemed innocuous enough."

Mr. Cain's campaign bus was scheduled to drive Monday night from Columbia to Charleston, S.C., but never made that trip.  "We had everything packed up and ready to go, but we couldn't find our boss anywhere," said a campaign worker.  "He wasn't on the bus, nor was he anywhere around the event location.  Any calls to his cell phone went straight to voicemail.  I have no idea where he went.  We're all very worried."

Sherrif McBrayer assured the assembled media that "every effort is being made" to locate Mr. Cain's whereabouts.  The FBI is expected to join the investigation soon.  Foul play is not suspected at this time.


FROM:  Pickle <>
TO:  Me <>
CC:  Corey <>

SUBJECT:  Re: Herman Cain

Do I know anything about what?  You usually send me links to lame youtube videos and so-called "funny" blogs.  Even then, I have to filter those out from all the shitty forwards you send me every day.  Why do you feel obligated to re-forward that mindless garbage to the unsuspecting innocent?  You're either an idiot or a sadist, and I'd never peg you as the latter.

Yes, I did read the attached article, and it bored the shit out of me.  Here's an attachment that's worth people's time.  Feel free to forward this to your friends, even though your email address is probably on all your friends' spam lists.




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