I'm a little offended. Kim Kardashian is one thing, but you should know not to believe everything those paparazzi bastards print about me. Here's how it really went down:
I just got done working my Kobe shift and needed to blow off some steam. I went to a party at the house of an unnamed star of the hit television show CSI: Miami. I was sitting on that couch minding my own business, chewing on a delicious piece of dried bull penis (What? I'm a dog.). Somehow Sheen and those bimbos caught wind of the raging party and crashed it. They sat down long enough for that a-hole to snap a picture before I bolted. I mean, the smell of those people alone is enough to gag a mule. I chased the guy around the party for a little while trying to grab the camera but all I managed to do was take a chunk out of his ankle. Honestly, I was about 4 hits of acid in so half the time I thought I was chasing a turquoise spider monkey around.
These are my goddesses and I always win. Don't you forget it.
